5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your Wife? Really? Something smells fishy ….

So my wife recently pointed me at this article, suggesting that I pick it apart to see if there was much good to be had in it.  She’d looked it over and thought there was maybe a little more good than bad, but it was a close run thing.

5 Ways you are destroying your wife.

So lets take a look at these 5 disastrous and destructive things that this therapist is telling us to do or not to do.

  1. Not providing the basics for the family

    This is pure, anachronistic rigid gender roles.  There is no reason that the male in any relationship these days should be the breadwinner, or the primary breadwinner or even the only breadwinner.  The idea that only the man can or should earn the living for the family is an idea that is going to disempower men, and families.  And will lead to a lot of pride driven poverty.
    It also assumes a heterosexual relationship.  Or maybe our author really wants lesbian couples to be destitute and gay male couples to be rolling in the cash?

    This is followed by a link to a patronising article about why it is wrong to have a 50/50 relationship.

    Upshot – what a load of anachronistic and patronising horse shit.

    Recomendation – find what works for you as a couple, whoever earns whatever, whoever contributes whatever, find a balance that works, and when some stuffy, unbending jerk comes along and tells you you are doing it wrong, point him here so we can tell him just how to put it in his pipe!

  2. Pessimism

    So that is the title of the next point – but he keeps using that word, I do not think it means what he thinks it means, I see nothing in his little screed there about pessimism.
    I do see a screed about how men should toughen up, and buck up and be the tough ones (which has nothing to do with pessimism by the way, I checked, google it!).  So lets take this in two parts.

    a) pessimism – this will change over time, everyone’s attitude to life is based on their outlook and what is happening for them.  My better half and I find that despite me naturally being the pessamistic one, there are lots of times I have been the force for positivity.

    b) the screed – This …  can best described as harmful.  Do not, under any circumstances, take this too heart.  If someone’s answer to problems is ‘harden up’.  They do not know what they are talking about, and go and find a real therapist or councillor.

  3. Withholding physical affection

    The sun even shines on a dogs ass once in a blue moon.  So we have our first valid point.  Sadly it is wrapped in so much anachronisitc and patronising language that you could be forgiven for missing it.  And it is a completely one eye’d look at the problem.
    Yes, this can be a problem, for and from either partner.  Sometimes it is unconcious, sometimes sub-concious, sometimes deliberate.
    Basically, don’t do it.  If there is a problem that is festering in your relationship – this is an unhealthy way of dealing with it.  Talk to each other.

  4. Putting other things first

    So if you read this and scratched your head while you thought about the first point in the article, congratulations, you can out-think the author.  If you are finding that you would rather play video games, play on the internet etc than spend time with your spouse (no mater which gender you are, or which gender they are).  Then ask yourself why, it may be time to have an uncomfortable conversation.  Or maybe you need to work on your own mental health and resiliency.

  5. Not speaking her language

    This is the kind of patronising bullshit that leads to one gender complaining they don’t understand the other, this pretense that one gender ‘speaks another language’.  It’s simply not true.  Each person will have their own needs and expectations for feeling loved, and there will be far more variation among women for example than between women and men.
    The solution for this is ….  I bet you can guess it ….  that’s right, TALK to each other.  And best to do it without blame or accusation if you want the discussion to be productive …..

All in all, I find this goon to be an out of touch anachronist who knows little to nothing about managing relationships.

My recommendations remain, find a real relationship counsillor or therapist if you need one.  But most important, talk to each other, not out of touch jerks who want to force you into their expectations of gender roles in your relationship.  There are two people who are far more expert on your relationship than anyone else – and that will be you and your partner, so talk and listen to each other.


~ by scawalrus on January 20, 2017.

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