Grieving as a Non-Believer in an ocean of belief.

Ohhhh how to start this ……  To be honest I have no idea.
The struggle is going to be to get back onto a computer to write it at another time, having some downtime at work and all.

So, some 7-8 months ago (as of writing this) we lost our son to stillbirth.
As I am sure some of you may be able to relate too, this is the kind of thing a person wouldn’t wish on their worst enemy.
But it’s the kind of thing one has to survive.  So we do.

Yesterday, the funeral home we used held a holiday memorial, (for any of my audience reading this out of time, it is December) with the goal of providing a place for people who had lost loved ones a place to be around those who understand the loss.  This was done in good faith, and with the goal of helping.

So we went, I was expecting something non-denominational, my better half, something secular.  It will probably come as no surprise to folks, that while it was non-denominational, it was clearly christian.  With the stone in my shoe of the constant revisiting of the afterlife.

There were a couple of points there I had the urge to jump up and shout at the top of my lungs – “How cute and nice for all of you, but what the fuck does this have to do with DEAD people.  My boy is DEAD, he’s ashes adorning a couple of urns and a pendant.  There is no reason to think there is anything after this life, and, in fact it just cheapens the life we live and loss we feel!

I am proud to say I bit my tongue, and took the affirmations as they were intended, or at least tried to.  I found myself focusing on the flame of the lit taper (candle) that we had, letting the innate fascination of fire that humans have, drown out the wishful and delusional nonsense during the worst of it.

It very much reminds me of a child, hiding from reality, trying to avoid bad news or getting in trouble.  This just reinforces to me the need to create a society without the delusion, a society that can accept ‘I Don’t Know’ and will ask for evidence instead of accepting a demand for faith.
The next person who tries to tell me that belief is harmless, may be at risk of being slapped.
I am not cool with this kind of harm.


~ by scawalrus on December 10, 2015.

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