The Plan: what it was, what it became and why.

The Background…. Super-hero tales call this the origin stories!

I’m not going to dig into too many details, despite my instinct to start at the beginning. Why don’t we try to ‘coles notes’ the basics.

I’ll start with the most central figure in this drama, the woman who gives me reasons to get out of bed most mornings.
No names, minimising personal details to the relevant.
My wife has always wanted to have children, always dreamed of it.
When she was younger, this seemed like an eminently do-able goal. Then cards started to fall and stack against it.

  • She fell in love with a wookiee look-alike with limited prospects and a geography differential that was positively global. (that’s me saying I lived the other side of the world and trying to sound smart… Doesn’t work does it?)
  • When we finally corrected the geographical problems, life was starting to take shape. A trauma tortured childhood suddenly burst into full bloom. It in fact looked like just survival would be a great success. The fact she is still here with me is a testament to her strength.
  • The psychiatric medication we had to turn to was all pregnancy unsafe. And neither of us is about to deliberately inflict that kind of issues onto our child if we can avoid it. So the baby plan was on hold.
  • My woman being the truely astonishing, amazing person she is, determined that this was not acceptable to her. So she threw everything into getting to a point where the psych meds were un-necessary and gone. She succeeded.
  • the determination and effort thrown into that had a cost. Most of that cost was health. As my lady struggled up from the swamp of the worst of mental health issues, there were health issues come lurking.
  • As a result of these, there were questions as to fertility, even if everything went to plan, maybe biology wouldn’t play ball. This struck a body-blow too anxiety, self esteem, identity and the whole collection of recovery work done.

This brings us up to date for the part of the heroine of this story…

As is traditional, my part in the tale of a child is far less intense and costly. But not without strife.

My struggles have orbited 2 core issues.

  • My basic nature as a misanthropist
  • My habit to throw 100% into helping loved ones. It’s costs are physical health issues, jobs, burnout and situational depression

And this brings us both too the present.

next post planned: “First Trimester PT 1: Discovery”


~ by scawalrus on October 4, 2014.

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