Never are we more fucked up than with family we cannot choose


Ok – so I am an ex-pat.  I have moved from my home country to another country, and it has been almost 10 years in this new country.

During the first couple of years I put in effort to contact my mother several times. She doggedly refused to engage in using the technology that would make these contact attempts cheaper, forcing me to use telephone.  No e-mail, skype, instant messenger, so forth.

At one time only, did she call us.  Once, and only as a response to us leaving her a message.  This was during the first year.  Since then, she has never once made an attempt to contact us.  At one time when she was at my sister’s she participated in a skype chat that my sister set up for her.

Over time I have come to the realisation that I should not feel bad or guilty if she does not want contact with me.  I should stop beating myself over the head with being the one side to do all the work.  I’m done, I’m sitting this out now.  If she found it important to contact me, she would try herself.

A similar story when it comes to my sister.

What makes me insanely angry and defensive, is when people tell me that I should feel bad about this, tell me how I should feel abandoned, or tell me that I should be the one putting in all the effort.

FUCK NO!!!  I don’t have to keep chasing her, or my sister.  They are big girls they can put a tiny modicum of energy into this themselves.

Why the fuck should I feel guilty or tricked into putting my energy and resources into doing their job for them?


~ by scawalrus on April 6, 2013.

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