The Care and Feeding of the Essential Kvetch

Sometimes self care just involves wailing, gnashing of teeth and kvetching,   real word folks, look it up, about things that cannot be changed.

So let the Kvetching begin!

So I cannot wear antiperspirant.  Why?  Well technically I probably could, but scraping puss out of open sores all over my armpits is not my idea of a good time, so I choose not to.  See my problem is that antiperspirant is SUPPOSED to stop sweating, but for some reason, in me it does not.  It simply blocks up the sweat glands so the sweat cannot get out, which means that the sweat is not working to cool me which means that I sweat more which means that there is more sweat not getting out ….  You can see where this is going right?  Blisters or boils of concentrated sweat that get infected just by existing and fill with puss then burst then …  c’mon folks, don’t make me draw you a map!

So I can only wear deodorant type stuff.  But not those with perfumes for two reasons – it irritates the hell out of my nose, causes me irritation of the nose and breathing, causes my wife migraines and to top all that off all workplaces are going scent free because of the growing prevalence of allergies in workplaces.  I may not be allergic to perfumes, but I am sensitive to them and I love the idea of scent free workplaces.  Of course this limits my deodorant choice more.  So I have found some stuff that is all about killing the smell making bacteria.  It has reasonable effectiveness – and I have found that if it is a bad day that alcohol hand sanitizer works well too….  Burns like a mo-fo bitch but works.

But roll on the north American summer.

In north America – males having uncovered legs is some kind of business fashion crime punishable by a 360 out the work door.  The lord spake, and he sayeth, that for all north American workers outside of couriers, bus-drivers and mail-men, no man shall wear shorts!  And the women rejoiced, for this is seen as payback for bras and high heels, and men rejoiced because they are purely self destructive and want to torture themselves to feel manly.

And I sweat, slow roasting on all my trips outside air-conditioning….  And I don’t care who you are, I am not rubbing alcoholic hand-sanitizer onto my crotch to kill the bacteria that cause sweat smell, it’s just not happening!!

And god saw this suffering, and verily he was pleased – he had found a way to torture unbelievers without actually showing his hand!!!

Of course wearing thongs (known here as ‘flip-flops’ because the differentiation between a thong and thongs is just too hard to handle) or sandals with slacks is not acceptable – so socks and shoes must be worn, preferably the most uncomfortable tortuous variety of shoes available.  Because there is a chance you may enjoy your job, so we want to make sure that your feet are in agony to stop that happening …..  So I wear 3 or 4 year old hiking boots with holes forming in the sides, and black socks to avoid having the holes be too obvious….

I am here to do a job I am good at.  I do not look pretty, I never expected to look pretty, looking pretty was not listed on the job add nor in the job description.  But apparently it is essential.

Fucking narcissistic culture!

So I am going to ask you, purely for my own curiosity.

Who out there, would have a problem walking into an office and being served by a guy in shorts with hairy legs?

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~ by scawalrus on June 21, 2012.

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